Just because I live in Belize doesn't mean I can't have a swept house.
Just because I live in Belize doesn't mean I can't wear some make-up to feel human (even though I'll sweat it off in 5 minutes)
Just because I live in Belize doesn't mean I have to smell like it (shout out to Kelley and Lana for both giving me more body spray!)
But I've found that one of these realizations has resonated a little deeper than how I smell. And I didn't notice until I was talking to someone back in the States and they were talking about sacrifice and living it out in your daily life and then they said something to the effect of, "But you don't really have to think about it because that's your life!", as if I'm exempt from making sacrifices no matter where I am. And I do appreciate them recognizing the challenge it can be not just living in Belize but much more than that, the challenge of living a missionary life.
That's not really good enough though. See here's the thing: I'm pretty adaptable. I've gotten used to not having fresh fruit at my disposal, my cherishing of chocolate chips is on a whole new level, cold showers aren't my favorite but not unbearable, etc. And so while there is a constant undercurrent of discomfort that may vary in degree at times, I feel like that's true for anyone anywhere. Nobody has a constantly content life. Does that mean we're all excused from sacrifice? Of course not. If it did, then I wouldn't have to put extra time and effort into my student relationships because I was tired. Parents wouldn't have to sit and help their kids with homework because they had a long exhausting day at work. Friends wouldn't have to listen and console each other because they each have their own problems to deal with.
It's Lent. To most people, Catholic and non-Catholic, this just means "Oh great, 40 days without fill-in-the-blank." And I wish more people understood the depth and beauty of it all. Lent is a season of giving something up, it's about sacrifice, but there's something underneath it, something driving it. And that's love. It's true for any sacrifice: it's hard to do things that inconvenience us for people we don't really care about, but when it's for someone important to us (children, students, family, Jesus...), it's still hard; that part doesn't change. But it doesn't matter. The pros outweigh the cons. And the more we practice this type of true love, the sacrifice even brings with it...get this..joy! It's 100% nonsensical with a self-centered, personal progress driven mentality. Thank God that's not how we were meant to live, so concerned only about ourselves! That would be gross and in fact I often find that attitude quite sickening. Maybe it's the missionary in me.
Why am I saying all this? Two reasons. The first is for myself because I would love to be excused from any kind of self-inflicted hardship (i.e. sacrificing) just because I chose to live in circumstances that are a different kind of challenging. Frankly though, that's stupid and prideful to think that I have a special exemption just because I'm so different than everyone else in the entire world. Just because I live in Belize doesn't mean I don't need sacrifice. The second is for any and all of you lovely folks who are choosing to read this. Guess what? You're not special. Everyone has their crap and their reasons for why their life or even just their day is "woe is me". It's not just you. Kinda makes you feel better though, doesn't it? And how convenient is this: it's Lent! The time when we strip away something (or somethings) excessive in order to focus on the essentials e.g. prayer life, interpersonal relationships and the like. Even if you're not Catholic or even not religious, this is the time of year that Spring Cleaning craze sweeps through houses everywhere. Why not clean yourself up a bit too?
You know it's not easy. And it doesn't always stick the first time around, but that's ok. It's ok because we keep trying and are constantly learning even (and dare I say especially?) from our failures. So don't be afraid. Be bold. Step out and take risks. Don't be afraid to shake things up within yourself. It's just that time of the year.
St. Maximilian Kolbe, pray for us.
Totus Tuus, Maria.
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