Really Honest/Honest Reality

I'm so very clever, aren't I?

Truly though, sometimes I look back at my blog posts to see what I've talked about and what I haven't and while I certainly have never lied to you, dear faithful reader, I see some places that may lead you to believe in a rather idyllic lifestyle that I have here. And I am nothing else if not a realist, so I do hope to just be honest. 

Life here fluctuates. It rains for 3 days, sunny for 2. It's freezing in the mornings, then you're sweating by 10 am. I feel an overwhelming peacefulness and contentedness, and one class later can be cast into a deep pit of emotional turmoil and despair at the thought of having 6 more months. These are just facts. Nobody signs up for missionary life because it's fun. People do fun things "just because", things like a pickup game of soccer, embarking on a baking adventure with a new recipe. But you don't put your "real life" on hold and make your entire existence about other people as answer to the question, "Why not?" That's how people burn out. That's how they get hardened towards an experience, failing to recognize that they didn't actually experience it at all because their whole approach was completely skewed. 

So now if you're a critical thinker and if I'm anything in the vicinity of a compelling writer, you must ask the question, "So why are you doing it?"

Can I be honest with you?

I don't know.

The answer changes just like the normal (read: chaotic) flow of life here. Sometimes the answer is easy: these kids need someone who cares about them, there's so much growing I need to do as a person, I want to experience a different culture, etc. And then there are the days when I come up dry for answers and then wonder did I completely misinterpret how I was supposed to spend a year of my life. All the while just trying to do my best where I am. One of my very best friends put it best when describing her life: "I'm just a little leaf." It's true, no? I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it, but most days I can say with certainty that it's right and on the days I'm not sure, I have the good ones to reassure me. It's the great part about not being 100% self-motivated (NB: I don't mean that I'm unmotivated without external stimuli, but rather my interests are not self-interested).

Ok. So what do I do in the meantime? You live your life. Put one foot in front of the other. Today at lunch, I was on campus patrol on the upstairs balcony talking to one of my students and I said, "You know, I really like being up high because it really gives you the perspective that no matter what, you're going to be ok, the world will keep on turning."

It's true, no? 

I find myself very often telling my students that their lives are bigger than fill-in-the-blank-with-their-problem. But how quickly I forget to tell myself! I'm constantly justifying it with things like, well I'm an adult (no, I'm not), I have real problems (no, I don't), therefore I can wallow in whatever is getting me down on that particular day.

WRONG

Get over it. Stand up, brush yourself off, learn from it, and move forward. Don't ignore and suppress, but as Rafiki says to Simba, "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it." Not too bad for a primate. And it works for anything, not just the past. Another more pithy way of saying this comes from the classic life lesson sitcom Boy Meets World: "Life's tough; get a helmet."

I suppose this is more of a motivate Melissa type post and you just happen to be exposed to the inner workings of my mind. My condolences. We're a couple weeks into this new semester and you know what I've deduced? It's time to get off my butt. As I was writing this, Monica shared a most quotable summary of her day: "I carped this diem up one side and down the other." Every day should end with that being a true statement.

Please keep sending prayers our way. The length of the semester is feeling a little daunting to students and teachers alike. Ok well I'm literally being demanded to get this post up (yep, I'm calling you out, Kelley!), so I suppose I will. 

St. Maximilian Kolbe, pray for us.

Totus Tuus, Maria.