Little Love

Surprise! A Friday post snuck in here.

I don't have classes on Fridays, so I'm technically done with my second week of teaching. And while I'm the one planning the lessons, I'm certainly learning my fair share and then some. 

It's been a hard two weeks. Part of me, a lot of me actually can't believe I've only been in the classroom for such a short amount of time. Two weeks seems like too short a time to have favorite students, problem students, quizzes, feeling like you've run out of ideas, students crying after time in the chapel, and about a thousand other things that get crammed into everyday life here. But through the chaos, controlled and otherwise, there's been a very prevalent lesson I'm learning.

Little love.

This has come in so many forms and meanings. For one thing, my students: as a Christian and as their teacher, I'm called to give them great love. But that doesn't always been great in quantity. It's hard to give them the love they need when we don't know each other yet and especially when they aren't open to it. A lot of them are closed off to it and much of the year will be making them see that my care for them is only a small reflection of the love and care God has for them. It takes more than a class session for them to know divine love, especially when that love is working through such a small instrument, namely myself. But I can give them that immense love in little doses and in the little ways that they need it.

Little love. This is synonymous with Joana. She's the little 6 year old who is just stealing my heart and it's not even fair. Even as I write this, she's sitting on my lap, writing memos on my phone and offering to write this post for me. A very generous offertffjjfnjfjffjg gf fg gkggfgkgmkgbkgbggjjhgjfhghghgngjgjgggughnibhikg, see she took over my keyboard and insisted on writing something. But I don't know how it is physically possible to have so much love contained in this tiny little body of hers. The other day, it was just a rough day of teaching. It was one of those days that first year teachers, and all teachers I suppose, dread where you're teaching literally all day and your students are not only acting up but also disrespecting you. The bell rang and I came exhausted back to my desk in the staff room and as soon as I sat down I hear, "Mees Mayleesah!" Little Joana was SO excited to see me. After an entire day of kids not caring in the least about anything I had to say, here was the little girl who was so joyful just at my existence. And every afternoon, she always comes to see me and crawl in my lap and type who knows what on Microsoft Word in her generous offer to do my work for me. She always calls out to you and waves at you when she sees you and if she's uninhibited, she'll come running and jump on you. She's a little, little thing. But her love is so vast.

So what have I learned in Belize so far? That the best I can give is whatever love is in my littleness. And sometimes it's the littlest loves that heal us.

St. Maximilian Kolbe, pray for us.

Totus Tuus, Maria.