The Final Countdown

Yes, cue the music.

The countdown is now 6 days which is ridiculous, overwhelming, and, at the end of the day, pretty dang awesome. A lot of people have been asking me how I'm feeling and I can honestly say it's a pretty even combination of those three. 

Mid-August really should be synonymous with moving in my mind since that's what I've done for the past 4 years, trekking back up to Ohio every year to start a new semester, and while the familiar feelings of living a nomad's life are surely returning, there is a profound difference in it all. You'd think that difference is the foreign country factor but if you've ever been to the Steubenville/Pittsburgh area, then you understand why it always surprises me even in the smallest way that I don't have passport stamps from crossing the Ohio River. When you've lived in central Florida for 20 years, everything about mills, hills, snow, and basements seems like it's from another world. But I digress. The point is that I don't think my mind would comprehend I'm moving out of the country were it not for 

a) people acting like I'm going into isolation from humanity until June; is there something the school didn't tell me?

b) the frenzy I feel to make every meal in the next 6 days so American that I might actually begin to prefer a diet largely subsisting of beans and rice.

It really is incredible though how the satisfaction of having an answer to "What are you up to these days/What's next for you?" never fades. I've had the incredible opportunity to attend 2 weddings for college friends this summer, one at the beginning and one just this past weekend. The first was at the end of May and a good number of my friends were there. It was also that terrible waiting time between applying for Belize and waiting to hear back, so the weekend was filled with what I like to call the post-graduate chorus: it starts with a gentle "So what are you doing now that you graduated?" and as this question circulates around the room, what echoed and hung over our heads as two of our good friends went full steam ahead with their new life was the general answer of "I'm sending out some resumes" or "I'm taking it easy this summer before jumping into the 9 to 5" or "I'm waiting to here back from some things." Thankfully the joy and beauty of the weekend overwhelmed any anxiety that a roomful of college graduates may be experiencing two weeks after graduating and actually planted those persistently pesky seeds of comfort and hope. 

Why does this matter? Because God is good. Because 2 months after so many of us had no idea what was going on with our lives, some of us got to get together again for another wedding a few days ago and another round of "Have you figured your life out yet?" But this time I got to see the pieces put into place and not just in my own life but in the lives of some of my friends too. People had moved, started jobs, set up their new classrooms, and another one of my friends was beginning a life with a new last name. Of course not all of us have something lined up and even I only have a gig until next June. But what made it all so incredible and beautiful is to see how it's all being worked out and that is the assurance I need to remember in these next 6 days. Sirach chapter 2 challenges the reader to look back to the past and see where faithful people have completely trusted in God and have been left standing on a street corner splattered in mud after God drove on by. This is a paraphrase of course, they didn't have cars in the Old Testament. The answer is also never; they were never abandoned. The last chapters of Sirach are dedicated to proving this.

But whether I look at human history or the ever entertaining mess of a journey that is my life, I simply can not deny that He doesn't work everything out. And not in some hodgepodge way, but in a really awesome, change your life, better than you could've hoped for kind of way (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28, etc.) And with each person whose face lit up when I told them about Belize and who really believed that the little weakness of a human being that is me could be an instrument of light and love, I felt the Divine. The confidence and encouragement was certainly coming from all their hearts, but I know it was the gentle assurance of the God calling me to something bigger and frankly better than myself. And boy, what a relief it is to know that nothing I do is of my own power and abilities. Do you know what a jumble I would be if that were the case? It is appropriate to shudder thinking about this terrible prospect.

This has been another explosion of my thoughts into the internet arena, but again I do believe this is due to the ample time that procrastination has given me. Out of courtesy to you, the reader, let's sum up what it is exactly I'm trying to convey:

1. In one week, I will have already spent a night in my new Belizean home. Whoa.
2. Anywhere north of the Mason-Dixon line is completely foreign to me. And west of the Mississippi. Really anywhere that doesn't know how to make grits and good pancakes.
3. I haven't begun to pack which means my stress levels have yet to reach their maximum.
4. I am a silly weak human who can't do anything for myself and relies heavily on God's grace and the prayers of Mary and anyone I can recruit as a pray-er to tap into that grace for me.
5. #4 is a sweet, sweet relief.

St. Maximilian Kolbe, pray for us.

Totus Tuus, Maria.